So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
