Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
