Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
