Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
