You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Randomize
