My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
don't judge my taste in strippers
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
