Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
