So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
