i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize