You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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