..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
