Don't you send me to vm
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize