i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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