dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Bring me that man meat
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
