Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
