i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
