Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
