This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
