That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
