They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
