you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
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