Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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