I wish I could teleport
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Randomize
