Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
