i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
