Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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