dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
