If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
