i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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