Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
