i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
