yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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