I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
