Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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