she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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