Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize