When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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