So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
