I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
