You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
