Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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