i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
