the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
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