Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Randomize
