Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
