You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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