toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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