Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize