Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
