I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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