What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
