I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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