My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
