Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Your penis caused this!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
