when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
