May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
