someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
