I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Also, beer. Big fan.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Randomize
