I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
