How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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