9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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