He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
This baby is an asshole
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
