I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
