You're so nebulous sometimes
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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