he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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