I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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