Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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