I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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