You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
im drinking this country out of the recession.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
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