Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We left the knife in your bed.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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