I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Randomize
