id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
