we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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