Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
