Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
We have so much sex to catch up on
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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