five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
