Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
