I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Pants are for mortals
Randomize
