whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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