Betty ford says i'm here all night
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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