last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
