He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
