It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Please don't give away my fajitas
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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