My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
and you fell through a lawn chair
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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