she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I need to sanitize my soul.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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