im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
