I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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