i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
